Sycophant Hex ~ View topic - Fanon that makes you cringe and cry

Author

Message

< The Common Room ~ Fanon that makes you cringe and cry

azazello

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 1:27 pm

Joined: 29 Nov 2004 Posts: 183 Location: Northern UK

Fanon. We are all part of it. It surrounds us. We cannot have fanfic without it (yes, I know I am sounding a bit like Obi-Wan - it's deliberate). Essentially all stuff in fanfic is fanon, so it's not something anyone can claim not to have in their fanfic.

Write SS/HG? That's fanon. It'll never be canon, I'm certain. Write slash? Fanon, again. Expect no gay pairings in canon, however modern JKR might be.

However, there is fanon, and fanon. Fanon cliche then. Those are the things which you see in a fanfic, and backbutton over, or sigh in irritation. Here's a short list of mine. If you read this and find something you've done there, don't mind. It irritates me as a general thing, and I've sometimes excused some of the list in a good fanfic.

Here's my big "yucks" in fanfic in no particular order:

And yours?

Rolling Eyes

_________________
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony ~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Zia

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 6:03 pm

Joined: 29 Apr 2005 Posts: 19 Location: Den Haag

Well here are mine:

- Hermione is a student, but because she is 18 having a relationship with Snape is all right. Irritates me for two reasons, the first because people are of age at 17 in the WW, read your GOF and your OotP. The second because it is still a teacher/student relation with little themes like inequality that do not go away even if both partners are adults. As for why they would be attracted: I know one fic where the setup was actually imaginable and that was "A terrible temptation" by Friendlyquark (although Snape is rather too fluffy to be true).
- Dumbledore is all right with above teacher/student relation. Dream on, or make a very good case.
- Lord Snape and other ridiculous pureblood titles.
- All kinds of rididulous pureblood etiquette rules, in some fics they would even make the court of Louis IV pedestrian by comparison.
- Voldemort routinely throwing cruciating cursus on his followers, especially Snape ofcourse. The man is an evil overlord, not an evil imbecile.

azazello

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 9:43 pm

Joined: 29 Nov 2004 Posts: 183 Location: Northern UK

Titled Snape: Just idiotic. This is a man who insists on being called either "Sir" or "Professor". Are we therefore to believe he's a closet egalitarian who prefers folk not to know about his title? If Snape is Lord Snape, he'd be loudly insisting that people address him as My Lord. If he's the Duke of Snape, he'd be "Your Grace" and so on. At his own insistence.

"Ah, Miss Granger, I see you are about to help our poor stressed Potions master relax. Do let me turn down the bed covers for you both. What's that you say? Nonsense, there is no regulation against teacher/student relations - this is the magical world, where such congress is actually encouraged. Severus can show you his proficiency in Sex Magick..." 'Nuff said.

I've been shamefully guilty of the "Welcome to my little gang, Severus Snape, Crucio!" thing myself in my first fanfic. What can I say, I was new, I was naive. I was stupid. It was a cliche deluxe and I'm sorry. The old Cruciatus thing is just daft.

Razzberry

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 1:07 am

Joined: 06 Jan 2005 Posts: 82

*Snape the alchemist. He's a Potions master, not an alchemist. We have evidence enough that alchemy is a separate thing from potions. I can appreciate him having an appreciation of alchemy, but really, potions and alchemy are not terms to be used interchangeably.

*I'll second Azazellos' thing about the magick/wicca/etc. It has to be an incredible story for me to get past the replacing of the canon culture with another culture. Sirius is Harry's godfather for cying out loud. That's pretty much a Christian construct in my understanding of it.

*The frock coat. Sorry, I know a lot of people love the frock coat, but canon has it as robes. Same applies to the school uniforms (even though I'm guilty of that one too. My defense there is reading some interview wherein JKR commented that she envisioned the kids wearing normal clothes under their robes, and we have some canon evidence of the kids wearing Muggle clothes. The older generation, though? I'd say anyone Snape's age or older, it's robes or it's out of character.)

*This is something that is bizarre, but I've read one too many fic that got some of the British wizarding crowd into America and has a scene in a restaurant with a conversation like this: "I'd like a cup of hot tea." "Excuse me, what's that?" Okay, maybe not quite that blatant, but really, people. You can order hot tea in most American restaurants. Now, granted, if you just say 'tea', chances are it will be iced, but if you ask for a cup of tea, you're going to get a cup of tea. There will be no blank looks or confusion. And what's worse is that I get the impression that it's American writers who are doing this crap! If you can order a cup of hot tea without any problem in a truck stop in west Texas, I have a hard time believing that this is a widespread problem anywhere. I appreciate culture differences as much as anyone, but give that one a rest.

*Magic solves everything. Actually, i don't care if you write it, but quit bugging me for *not* using the 'obvious' magical solution to everything.

*Pez Dispenser!Dumbledore. For example: "Severus, I'm assigning Hermione to you as a helper this year. I know she annoys you but I think you'll end up together and that will do this old heart some good. Lemon drop?" I can see him offering candy from a dish if someone pays a social visit, but but the lemon drops get sorely misused.

azazello

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 4:56 am

Joined: 29 Nov 2004 Posts: 183 Location: Northern UK

You would only specify the temperature of the tea if you wanted iced in the UK. Tea default is hot.

Razzberry

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:33 am

Joined: 06 Jan 2005 Posts: 82

Wizard: "I'd like a cup of tea."

Waitress: "We have iced tea."

Wizard: "<i>Hot</i> tea. Real tea."

Waitress: "We have iced tea."

Wizard: "Can't you leave the ice out?"

Waitress: "All right. Tea." (a few minutes pass and she comes back with iced tea)

Wizard: "I said hot tea."

********************

That's the kind of exchange I've seen in one too many fic. Realistic:

Wizard: "I'd like a cup of tea."

Waitress: "Cup? Hot or iced?" (cup is a dead giveaway)

or

Waitress: "What would you like to drink?"

Wizard: "Tea."

Waitress: "Iced tea."

Wizard: "No, hot tea."

Waitress. "Right. Hot tea."

************

1. Tea drinkers are not foreign concepts in here.
2. Most servers aren't daft, believe it or not.
3. As soon as the words 'cup' or 'hot' turn up in association with the tea, the confusion is over.

But I have seen fics that go on for paragraphs about how impossible it is to order hot tea in America, which is utter nonsense.

anna_kat

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:45 am

Joined: 01 Jan 2005 Posts: 33

Same as everything that has been mentioned except for Pez Dispenser!Dumbledore (that cracked me up). I don't mind him offering sweets. Though I'd like to see a bit of variety.

Plus:

1. Hermione attending Wizarding University.
We know for certain that they do not exist. I prefer stories that do not attempt to "improve" upon the canon world and its rules. I like the canon world just fine.

2. Hogwarts' students graduating, together with the not entirely British tradition of prom night. Proms would be better situated at Salem Highschool for the Magical Arts.

3. Severus Snape, the Dark Lord's best buddy, right hand and supplier of dark potions.
This Snape variant is quite popular. Alas, popularity and logic don't necessarily go hand in hand. Really, how old was he when Voldemort was defeated the first time? What kind of job does he hold now? Teacher, head of house, spy, preparing Harry Potter for survival, overseeing detentions.. not a lot of spare time to go about DELETE up to and creating potions for evil overlords, it would seem. Then again, we have:

4. Severus Snape the insomniac, who prowls Hogwarts every night.
And your canon evidence would be where exactly?

5. Ron Weasley, infantile idiot.
That's Movie!Ron to you.

6. Hermione turning her back on Harry and Ron after she has fallen in lust with Snape.
That one I really can't stand. Even if you dislike Harry and Ron, Hermione doesn't. There is no reason to believe that lust would make her disloyal, or that love would, if actually she were to fall in love. (Usually she merely likes sex and confuses it with genuine affection, as girls are wont to do when they are 17-and-a-timeturner.)

7. Stories that begin with Hermione/Harry must marry Professor Snape/Lucius Malfoy/Draco Malfoy/The Giant Squid.
No, that's not another rant against the MLC. There are plenty of other stories that come up with reasons why Hermione or Harry may not freely choose their partners. More often than not, manipulative Dumbledore is another major star in such scenarios. Just once I'd like to be given a credible reason why Hermione and Harry, who could effortlessly pass themselves off as Muggles, do not turn their backs onto such a clearly undeserving Wizarding World.

8. Mr. and Mrs. Granger, cruel bastards or incompetent fools.
This is another major pet peeve of mine. There is plenty of evidence that the Grangers love their daughter very much. For those who dislike the books, there are always JKR's interviews to rely on. What is it about the Grangers that has fandom make them out as incompetent fools who wouldn't be fit to raise a goldfish? Or as cruel jerks who toss their child out and force her to work the lowliest of lowly jobs, in addition to prostituting herself, of course. It must be their profession. Nobody really likes dentists, do we?

snarkypants

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 3:04 pm

Joined: 08 Jan 2005 Posts: 14 Location: Texas, USA

The "Eve of the Final Battle."

Um, how do you know it's the Final Battle? There might be Final Skirmishes for months yet. But somehow, on those nights before the Final Battle, Hermione and Severus know it's the night before, and therefore they can let go their reservations and shag like bunnies.

Quote:

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)

"The Flaw in Paganism" by Dorothy Parker

Fionnait NíPheadar

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 3:34 pm

Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 13 Location: Germany

azazello wrote:

Bolted on stuff. Wicca. Druidism. Familiars. In short, belief systems that are not part of the Potterverse, which looks a bit Christian to me (they celebrate Christmas). Spelling Magic as "Magick" - sorry, wrong belief system. And as for familiars - the animals are pets, not familiars.

But they do call the Christmas season also Yule, which is Celtic. They also celebrate Hallowe'en, which is based on the Celtic feast "Samhain". Then again Hallowe'en is also associated with All Souls Night (which has it's roots in Samhain...) and has become a rather secular holiday. The point I'm trying to make is that the wizarding world probably has the same varieties of believes that the Muggle world has. As for Sirius being Harry's godfather: Lily was muggleborn, so she would probably have been brought up Christian.

What I dislike most in FanFics are artificial anti-Mary-Sues. When writers try to make their characters as unmarysueish as possible and totally exaggerate. I'd rather read a Mary Sue than one of these Frankenstein's Brides. Usually these writer's advertise with it in the summary. (Not a Mary-Sue...etc.)

All the best, Fionnait

Stasia

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 9:44 pm

Joined: 09 May 2005 Posts: 1

Huh. As an American who orders tea in American restaurants I can tell you that hot tea is the default everywhere except the South, where you specify hot tea. Well, some areas of the Midwest also call it hot tea, but someone from there wouldn't *call* it anything but hot tea anyway.

The waiter/tress might ask what flavor tea I want, or if I want herbal or black; or they would just bring me the pot of hot water and a selection of tea bags. Easiest all 'round.

Damn. Now I want tea.

Stasia

Zia

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 10:00 pm

Joined: 29 Apr 2005 Posts: 19 Location: Den Haag

Fionnait NíPheadar wrote:

They also celebrate Hallowe'en, which is based on the Celtic feast "Samhain". Then again Hallowe'en is also associated with All Souls Night (which has it's roots in Samhain...) and has become a rather secular holiday.

Hallowe'en used to be a very important Christian holiday. As for having pagan roots, I would not be surprised if most people did not know that nor care, just as with Christmas or Easter. It is just another secularized Christian holiday, which because of its association with the dead and ghosts fits excellently in the Potterverse.

Quote:

The point I'm trying to make is that the wizarding world probably has the same varieties of believes that the Muggle world has.

Quite possible, though I very much doubt neo-paganisme in any form makes a big enough splash in the WW to have any influence.

Quote:

As for Sirius being Harry's godfather: Lily was muggleborn, so she would probably have been brought up Christian.

This I don't get. Why would the heritage of Lily have anything to do with her being brought up Christian or not? And if she was, and James and Sirius were not (as you seem to imply here) why would they want a godfather for the child, especially one who was not familiar with the concept?

Last edited by Zia on Tue May 10, 2005 3:14 am; edited 1 time in total

liquidscissors

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 12:14 am

Moderator Joined: 27 Dec 2004 Posts: 164

To follow on the tea fapping -

Darling (mostly) American writers,
English people, wizards or not, drink things other than tea. It might be a default beverage, but I don't exactly picture, say, Molly flipping her wig because there isn't a cup of Earl Grey available. The English as a whole are not allergic to coffee, water, lemon squash, Panda cola or anything else that doesn't consist of dried Ceylon leaves seeped in hot water.
With love,
Lara.

(P.S. use milk, not 'dairy creamer'.)

Alynna

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 3:17 am

Joined: 01 Mar 2005 Posts: 24 Location: central Maryland

Most of my pet peeves are stylistic, but in terms of cliche...

Tea, again. Only the quality of it, not the temperature. Living in America and having fully 25 different kinds of tea in my kitchen cabinet, I can assure you that there is good tea to be found here. It may not be made in America, but there's this really cool thing going on now called international trade...

_________________
"Something there is in beauty
which grows in the soul of the beholder
like a flower..."

mouseII

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 4:37 am

Joined: 05 May 2005 Posts: 76

Quote:

Most caucasian (i.e. red-haired) women in England are Christian, aren't they? Granted, I don't really know (Canadian, here), but it seemed like a safe assumption to me. That's what's generally true in my country, and we're a former colony of England. No, Lily isn't necessarily Christian, but it doesn't seem like a bad guess to me to say she probably is.

And there's no real evidence in canon of deep religious belief in the Wizarding World, so it also doesn't seem outlandish to me that James and Sirius might not be Christian.

People tend to want godparents as a form of protection for their children, rather than for religious reasons. In a time of war, I can see it making Lily feel better, even if James and Sirius have never heard of the custom before - and even if Lily isn't religious herself.

Zia

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 5:02 am

Joined: 29 Apr 2005 Posts: 19 Location: Den Haag

mouseII wrote:

I'm not disputing that. I'm disputing that it has anything to do with her muggle-born heritage (see the quote I'm using).

All times are GMT

View next topic View previous topic Page 1 of 5 Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next Sycophant Hex Forum Index ~ The Common Room

Jump to:

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum