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< The Common Room ~ Fanon that makes you cringe and cry |
| Fionnait NíPheadar |
 Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 11:37 am |
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Joined: 06 Dec 2004
Posts: 13
Location: Germany
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[quote="mouseII"]Quote: People tend to want godparents as a form of protection for their children, rather than for religious reasons. In a time of war, I can see it making Lily feel better, even if James and Sirius have never heard of the custom before - and even if Lily isn't religious herself.
That's what I was trying to say. And I was implying that Sirius and James didn't have to be Christian for Sirius to be Harry's godfather and that Lily being Christian doesn't mean that Christianity is the most popular religion in the wizarding world, because Lily was likely baptised before anybody knew that she was a witch. But I just realized that you actually have to be a member of the church to become a godfather (al least here in Germany), which is the reason why my godfather isn't really my godfather, but his wife my godmother instead (officially). Of course, this makes my argument futile.
Fionnait (who thinks about going back into lurking...) |
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| RachelW |
| Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 3:15 am |
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Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Posts: 64
Location: The Republic of Texas
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azazello wrote:
6. Fanfic references to Lucius having that cane. It's a movie prop. It tells me the writer has not read the books.
<snip>
9. Dark Revels. Any idea that the DE get together for monthly gang shags of captured Muggles, or better still, captured Miss Grangers.
10. Snape drawling. He so does not. He's British person, not a Texan. Draco drawls poshly. Snape, never. [/list]
Okay, the cane thing...probably a case of Lucius being described as little more than 'pale with pointy features' in canon. Okay, I do it, weak justification...it's Isaacs lust, at least I admit it.
So, so, so totally with you on Snape Manor! The Malfoys are the only reference in canon to anyone having a Manor. If Snape owns a Manor, what's he doing teaching? Shouldn't he be out farming his money?
Okay, and now I'm truly regretting not taking a highlighter along or doing super note-taking on my current canon re-read because I clearly remember more than one place where Snape does 'drawl' in canon. I'm sure it's not a Texas drawl...I'm a Texan and even I don't drawl, ya'll. 
ITA on Wiccan stuff in fanfic too. The Witches and Wizards in Harry Potter have no resemblance to Wiccans...well, some do seem to remind me of Trelawney...but, that's another matter.
To Add my own pet peeves to this list:
1) 'Mione ... 'Nuff said. When I see it, I usually hit the back button.
2) MOVIE stuff as fic stuff (and I know this is terribly hypocritical since Isaacs as Malfoy is what I picture when I read canon and fanfic) but, the main thing is references to Snape throwing himself bodily before "The Trio" to protect them from the transformed Lupin. No, that never happened, so building a Snape/Hermione romance with that as something Hermione remembers isn't right. |
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| Diana |
| Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 3:24 am |
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Head Moderator
Joined: 04 Jan 2005
Posts: 116
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I pretty much agree with most of what has been written. I can't really think of anything to add. Give me a day or two, though, I'm bound to come up with something.
Quote: 2) MOVIE stuff as fic stuff (and I know this is terribly hypocritical since Isaacs as Malfoy is what I picture when I read canon and fanfic) but, the main thing is references to Snape throwing himself bodily before "The Trio" to protect them from the transformed Lupin. No, that never happened, so building a Snape/Hermione romance with that as something Hermione remembers isn't right.
But Alan *cough* I mean Snape looked so heroic in that scene. *
*Actually, and no offence to the fangurls, but all I saw was Michael Jackson hair and jowls. |
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| azazello |
| Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 5:48 am |
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Joined: 29 Nov 2004
Posts: 183
Location: Northern UK
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Draco drawls.
Snape never does.
A common error by US writers who believe "drawl" indicates a sort of languid upper class diction.
That would be fine if Snape were proven and known upper class. However, Snape's actual canon diction is subtler.
1. It is elegant, but not overly so. He uses contractions in speech.
2. I'd place it as RP (received pronunciation - think BBC newsreader speak, think educated) rather than upper class (which can be error ridden).
Drawling indicates the speaker runs words into each other. Snape never does that. His delivery is more measured. |
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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony ~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail |
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| snarkypants |
| Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 2:30 pm |
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Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Posts: 14
Location: Texas, USA
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Quote: Drawling indicates the speaker runs words into each other. Snape never does that. His delivery is more measured.
Is this an American/British difference? I've always taken the word 'drawl' to mean lingering long over one's vowels, and to speak rather slowly, especially to emphasize one word over another.
In the UK, does 'drawl' mean to speak 'Fraffly'? (One of Bill Bryson's books talks about Fraffly as being what the high muckety-mucks would speak, as in "Weh soo fraffly gled yorkered calm," for "We're so frightfully glad you could come.") |
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| azazello |
| Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 5:28 pm |
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Joined: 29 Nov 2004
Posts: 183
Location: Northern UK
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No, it is not that. Upper class drawl implies a certain amount of eliding words - ie running them together.
Snape just doesn't do it. It's a common fanfic error. |
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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony ~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail |
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| veradee |
| Posted: Fri May 13, 2005 12:07 am |
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Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 10
Location: Germany
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| I currently work on my first SSHG fic and of course I used the word "drawl", if only once. I'm no native speaker and always understood the word as snarkypants did. Therefore I now checked a couple of dictionaries and always came up with the same and only definition: to say sth in a slow lazy manner, with long vowels. My dictionaries differentiate between British and American English but in this case they all define it as being used in this sense in both countries. I never regarded it as a sign of the speaker being from the upper class though and the dictionaries also don't say anything about it. Anyway, I decided to let my Snape go on drawling. |
Last edited by veradee on Fri May 13, 2005 12:09 am; edited 1 time in total |
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| RachelW |
| Posted: Fri May 13, 2005 12:08 am |
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Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Posts: 64
Location: The Republic of Texas
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snarkypants wrote:
Is this an American/British difference? I've always taken the word 'drawl' to mean lingering long over one's vowels, and to speak rather slowly, especially to emphasize one word over another.
You know, maybe this is the difference between the American and British editions of the books?? I'm going to find exact quotes and page numbers because I know I read 'drawled Snape' or 'Snape drawled' at more than one point in canon. |
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| azazello |
| Posted: Fri May 13, 2005 5:25 am |
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Joined: 29 Nov 2004
Posts: 183
Location: Northern UK
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You didn't.
Draco drawls.
Snape drawls in (mostly bad) fanon. |
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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony ~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail |
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| Scarlet Siren |
| Posted: Mon May 30, 2005 7:30 am |
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Joined: 22 May 2005
Posts: 4
Location: Florida
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I know I'll be kicking myself later for not thinking of some of the more obvious ones, but here are a few that come to mind.
1) Hermione is the brightest witch of the age.
Uh, sorry, but no. This is a mutation of Lupin's comment that Hermione is the brightest witch of HER age (meaning 14 or whatever -- remember, she's a year older than Harry and Ron) that HE has ever known. So she's the smartest 14 year-old he's ever met -- does that make her Stephen Hawking? Pretty to think so, but I doubt it.
2) Hermione's N.E.W.T.S. match/surpass his.
Almost always mentioned by Dumbledore, yet there's no precedence in canon. Also, is it professional to carelessly toss out personal information about professors under your employ to students? Let's let it rest, please.
3) Yule Ball
Meant only to be held during years when there is a Triwizard Tournament, yet we see this dance used as a plot device time after time.
4) Neville melts ALL his cauldrons.
Neville melted ONE in canon that I remember. He may be hopeless, but let's give him some credit.
5) Hermione has read the entire Hogwarts library and knows more about potions than Snape.
I'm always stunned when I read a story where Hermione manages to pull up some arcane piece of potions knowledge out of her head from some first-year reading and proceeds to squash all of Snape's credibility like he's Rita Skeeter on another unapproved assignment. This is usually followed by some thought like the one in No. 1. If so, I usually make a face, but read on. If voiced, I hit that back button.
Also, I doubt she could read through that library if she spent her whole life there. It's too big. Or am I wrong on that?
6) Hermione and Snape defeat Voldemort alone. Alone, as in no Harry. Need I say more?
7) Harry and Ron don't know where Hermione disappears to every night, and are worried about "what she's up to."
There was a really clever piece of parchment introduced to Harry his third year. Maybe you've heard of it -- it's called the Marauder's Map. It shows useful things, like hidden passages and where everyone in the castle is at any given time. Even a teacher's private rooms...
 SPEW
It's canon when Ron and Harry call it SPEW, rather than say each letter as it's intended. It's ridiculous when Hermione, champion of house elves and founder of her very meaningful project, calls it by that name. S.P.E.W. We have to get that straight -- Hermione does. |
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| TRE |
| Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 1:01 am |
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Joined: 05 Aug 2005
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1. The Head Girl's room. No way is this hinted at or mentioned anywhere! It's a plot device and I'm sick of it. If Granger and Snape need a place to do it, please use your imagination!
2. The Yule Ball was a one time thing. Okay? One time. But there can be other places to dance. After all the students do have a common room. Or hey if the girls can go up the stairs, why not the dormatory? And if it's Snape/Granger dances you want....um, I don't see it happening. Unless the Notts or Malfoys have a ball ala Pride and Prejudice and somehow Granger gets invited? Not.
3. It's KNICKERS not PANTIES! Nothing turns me off faster.
4. Using magic to take off Granger or OC's knickers. Is Snape like totally lacking in the pulling-off-the-knickers skill or what?
5. Can Draco stop accosting Snape's love interest in the dungeon corridor? I don't mind the theory but give another Slytherin a grope! |
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TRE
www.ofthesky.net |
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| Scarlet Siren |
| Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 4:20 am |
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Joined: 22 May 2005
Posts: 4
Location: Florida
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TRE wrote: 4. Using magic to take off Granger or OC's knickers. Is Snape like totally lacking in the pulling-off-the-knickers skill or what?
5. Can Draco stop accosting Snape's love interest in the dungeon corridor? I don't mind the theory but give another Slytherin a grope!
Hey, it's very difficult pulling down knickers! I mean, you have to hook your fingers inside the waistband -- tricky motor skills there! Then you have all that tedious pulling...
::snorts::
Number 5 is classic. I'd like to see Pansy try groping her for a change. That'd be interesting.  |
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~ Scarlet |
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| Snapette82 |
| Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 1:03 pm |
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Joined: 04 Aug 2005
Posts: 23
Location: Berkshire, UK
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Many things make me cringe in the fanon world. Here's a few. 
1. That Hermione throws herself into sex like a rampant goddess. The girl's a virgin and then all of a sudden she's the queen of anything carnal. If I remember my first time, it hurt!
2. Any reference to Snape wearing black satin boxer shorts. No, no, no!!
3. I know we have little to reference from canon, but nothing makes me want to scream more than the continued use of, "billowing black robes." Once may be permissable. Every chapter will make me want to pull said robes off and sail away in a boat using them to catch the wind, leaving a fic without a review.
4.I know it's been mentioned before, the Death Eater Gang Bang really makes me giggle. In pain.
I may be able to keep going here all day...
5. When Snape goes nice. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has read the books. He's a spy/traitor whatever at the moment in writing. He will never sit and be all gushing and have hearts everywhere. Leave that to Lockhart. The two best Snapes I have ever seen written are in Azazello's "But you Alone," and SnapeForte's "Taking over me." Yes, they can love. But they do not feel the need to turn into soppy fools.
I'll stop now. I'm sure there are many more though. |
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| goddessofsnark |
| Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:56 pm |
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Joined: 22 Aug 2005
Posts: 7
Location: New Jersey
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Snapette82 wrote: Many things make me cringe in the fanon world. Here's a few.
5. When Snape goes nice. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has read the books. He's a spy/traitor whatever at the moment in writing. He will never sit and be all gushing and have hearts everywhere. Leave that to Lockhart. The two best Snapes I have ever seen written are in Azazello's "But you Alone," and SnapeForte's "Taking over me." Yes, they can love. But they do not feel the need to turn into soppy fools.
I'll stop now. I'm sure there are many more though.
Oh god yes, that is the worst-Snape is a self preservationist first and foremost. He cares for himself first and foremost, love is a basic human need, and I think Snape would love for that reason and that reason alone, he dislikes the fact that it is a basic human need, and as such will never wind up dressed as cupid. And he doesn't care about others around him, only himself-for those of you who've read HBP, it shows his self preservationist side.
^That's by far the one that pisses me off the most. Snape is a bastard. An incredibly sexy bastard, but he is what he is, he is capable of loving, no one is beyond emotion, but it doesn't change who he is and the fact that it takes a lot to get into that heart of is, and once there, I highly doubt that even if he has his one true love that he'll be all hearts and flowers.
And HBP also disproves the Snape Manor myth, it proves a lot about Snape's backround.
My biggest pet peeve though is Snape and Hermione with kids. There are very few fics I've read that pull this off well. I see Snape as the type to flat out say he doesn't want kids-see above about the caring only for himself, I don't think he would want the knowledge that this is his own flesh and blood and knowing that he would give his life for them, he doesn't want to risk his life for anyone. |
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| Anna Dumbledore |
| Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 5:47 am |
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Joined: 28 Jul 2005
Posts: 9
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A few things I could live hapily ever after if I never saw it again in fan fiction:
1. Snape's Black Silk boxers. Cuz it's so believable that a man who seemingly can't be bothered to wash his hair would care about his boxers. 
2. Hermione wanton sex goddess..... There are somethings you just can't learn from books.
3. Mushy Snape. He's not the teddy bear type. I can picture mushy Lupin, or Sirius, but never Snape.
4.Mongrammed boxer or sheets. Again he's just not the type that would care.
5.Everyone knowing about the Room of Requirement and/or The Whomping Willow's secret path to the Shrieking Shack. They're secrets!!!
6. Pretty Pansy. If I remember correctly she looks like a pug. While looking like a pug is cute for a dog, it's not for a girl.
7.Stupid Neville. He's not dumb he's timid and lacking in self confidence. Leave the poor guy alone!
8. Evil Narcissa. I've read more than one ff that had Narcissa as an evil cold bitch to Draco!! Anyone who's read HBP knows that she loves him enough to betray a direct order from Voldemort.
9. A/N scattered through out the story. It ruins the flow and to be honest I really don't care to read a bunch of fan girl squeals and drooling over characters.
10. With holding chapters until you get so many reviews. Must you really do that? I personally write for my own pleasure. If a story is finished I'll post it all reviews be damned. I greatly appreciate everyone who takes the time to review, but it's just pathetic to with hold chapters until you get so many reviews. (sorry if I hurt anyones feelings but it's how I feel)
11. Just use magic. Heaven forbid they should do something so common as shower or stir their tea with out magic! I must admit that as soon as their allowed to use magic outside of school they'll go nuts for a bit, a la Fred and George. However Snape for example is a bit old for that.
12. Muggle things 'charmed' to work at Hogwarts. Did you not read in the books when they were talking about how the magic being too strong for anything muggle to work? I mean like cell phones etc.
13. The wrong music for the time period. I know that James and Lily never heard My Heart will Go On. They never danced to it either.
14. A Ball for every holiday. They've had one cout em one ball. In some ff there's a Halloween Ball, a Christmas Ball, a Valentine's Ball......NO NO NO
15. People who've never read the books, only seen the movies. *groans*
16. Internet speak. I am guilty of using overusing lol in posts, im's etc. However it has no place in a story. Don't be so damned lazy and type it all out! If I see another story with bcuz, wtf, or b4 in it I shall scream! LOL
I think that's about all. Though a few just make me roll my eyes there are a few here that will make me hit the back button. |
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