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<  The Enchanted Quill  ~  I'm having trouble making the end of my scene work.

darkdesire
Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:34 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 27 Jun 2007 Posts: 19
Confused Disclaimer: I'm not sure if this is considered NC-17 or not. It's definately adult content but nothing of the sexual nature.

As macabre as this may sound, I truly am stuck on a very import point in my story. Normally I’m able to sort these things out for myself, but this time, I’m having absolutely no luck. I’ve hit wall and need some ideas thrown at me.

So the question is, how would a young, teenage Snape, try and kill himself in a moment of desperation? And more importantly, how would he survive such an experience? But I have to set the scene a little for us to understand why I can’t just rewrite this problem into something else.

This story has become very angst. Now, that I’ve figured out what that means. Lol And something, very powerful has to happen for Snape to endear himself to the readers once again and to one of the main characters. He’s done some terrible things, but I can’t change it so that he hasn’t done them. These things contribute to not only his history with the girl he loves, but also the main story line. Hogwarts is becoming an increasingly dangerous place. The danger there is what prompts many major events in the story and what leads the OFC character to become a member of the Order of the Phoenix and leave school. If you haven’t gathered by now this story is branching into an AU sort of fic. But aside from recent events that have put Snape and the OFC at odds, is the scene in which, Snape, Lucius and Bellatrix catch the OFC and Sirius Black alone in the basement of Honeydukes, and terrible things happen there.

The events that take place in the basement are motivated, on Snape’s part for a number of reasons.

1) In an earlier scene he is set upon by both James and Sirius and beaten in front of the whole school.
2) He perceives that Sirius has stolen the girl that he loves and should rightfully be his.
3) He harbours deep fury at the girl for betraying him after he had made a blatant confession of his feelings for her.
4) Of course he wants to pay Sirius back for the years of torment he has suffered by him.
5) He is under pressure from Lucius to prove himself as a fit candidate for a Death Eater.
6) He cannot afford to show extreme favouritism or affection for the OFC at the risk of putting her in danger from the older Voldemort sympathizers at the school.
7) He wants to distract his other two companions from casting any spells on the OFC by amusing them with the torture of Sirius.

Of course this scene is charged with extreme emotion on both Snape’s part and the OFC’s side. The culmination of the encounter is when Snape is left to clean up the mess and he and the OFC argue passionately about everything from their short romance, to their lost friendship, their betrayal of each other’s trust, the use of the Cruciatus curse, Snape’s involvement with suspected Death Eaters and the OFC’s precarious position of danger in the school. Snape in a fit of jealousy pushes himself onto the OFC frightening her immensely. I leave it to the reader to determine whether or not Snape intended to go through with what he began. He is however stopped when he suddenly realizes what he’s doing, how far he’s degenerated, that’s he’s hurt someone he loves and that he has become of all things he hated most, his father. This event, combined with his earlier betrayal of her means that something huge has to happen to show his remorse and disgust at what he has done or the OFC can not believe that he truly is still, deep down inside, a person worth loving.

Now, I would like to state that the OFC doesn’t gush over the fact that Snape tried to kill himself. She is horrified, and rightfully so, but it does convince her that the situation has gotten terribly out of hand and that she has to do something drastic before someone is killed, that someone being herself, Snape, or Sirius. This idea is supported by Sirius’ retaliation of luring Snape into the Shrieking Shack and prompts the OFC to end any relationship she has with either boy.

Why does Snape have to try and kill himself? Not that I’m saying it’s healthy, but in Snape’s mind this is the ultimate sign of remorse that he can show her. He is inwardly frightened of the person he is becoming, he sees no way to turn back from the path he has started with the Death Eaters and he loves the OFC truly and by removing himself from the scenario he takes the threat of Lucius and the other Death Eaters away. With him out of the picture the OFC cannot be seen as a hindrance to their efforts to recruit him and is thereby in significantly less danger.

My problem is how would Snape go about it? It must be immediate, and something that he could survive in a believable way. My first impulse was to have him throw himself off one of the towers, but who can survive that? I thought about having him land on a protruding window but that’s a little like the movies where the building falls on the people and they survive because they just ‘luckily seem to be standing right where the window landed.’ So that option’s out. The other thought I had was him loading his pockets with rocks and swimming out into the Black Lake, but that just doesn’t seem very Snape like and there my ideas have stopped.

Suggestions?
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jynx67
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 5:51 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 170
This sounds like a very in depth story.

You could go with the "jumping from the tower", and just have cushioning spells that save him. I suspect they are there in case of accidental falls (and probably some who meant to jump, too.). Can't have been the first time it's happened. After all, look at how much OWLs and NEWTs mean.

He could commit seppuku and just miss the artery. Someone finds him bleeding and takes him to the hospital. This one would more than likely leave a scar to remind him for the rest of his life what he had tried to do. Of course, that could also remind him that he is a failure and can't even kill himself. Lots of ways that could be taken.

Anyway, those are just two ideas. I hope they help.
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darkdesire
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:22 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 27 Jun 2007 Posts: 19
Those are some great ideas. I hadn't thought that Hogwarts might actually have some type of protecting spell against that sort of thing.

I have to ask: What is seppuku? Do you mean, like slashing your wrist, or is it stabbing yourself, or slashing your throat?

I really like the idea of him having a scar, really. Especially since he's already recieved a scar earlier in the story for doing something equally terrible, although that time it wasn't his fault. I do hope I can make that idea work.

Thanks for taking the time to wade through my post. I usually get put off when I see things that long, but I felt like I had to poperly explain the scenario so as to fully communicate the problem.

Cheers Wink
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celisnebula
Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 3:27 am Reply with quote
Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 312 Location: USA
Seppuku is a ritualistic Japanese form of suicide, a part of the bushido and the discipline of Japanese samurai warriors.

Basically, the person self-disembowels their body by plunging a sword into the abdomen and then jerking the sword sideways (often pulling it through the body to the right). It's a gross and harsh way to die, but there have been cases of people who have survived it, though they were horrible disfigured and scarred.

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darkdesire
Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:39 am Reply with quote
Joined: 27 Jun 2007 Posts: 19
Shocked Ewww!!!!
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stringcheeze
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 7:13 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 17 Jan 2008 Posts: 2
The tower idea is interesting (it does seem like the castle would have wards in all the obvious places to prevent students from being able to commit suicide, and if they did actually attempt, notify heads of house and/or the headmaster).

A different Snape-like means would be for him to brew himself a poison. While he's brewing it, you certainly could go about creating his internal dialogue as to why he needs to actually take it once it's finished.

The tricky part, is the rescue. A bezoar would neutralize the poison (but in that case, someone would have to know it was a poison he used). Or perhaps the OFC could burst in on him just as he's about to down the brew and have it out with him then. Is the point for him to actually do the act, or just attempt the act?

That's my two Knuts worth...
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darkdesire
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 7:57 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 27 Jun 2007 Posts: 19
Yes, it's more the attempt that's important. Brewing a poison would be very Snape-like, I agree. And you're right it would provide time for an interesting scene regarding his internal dialogue, (sigh) alas I've not been writing from Snape's POV in that portion of the story and have established quite the framework for that sort of thing so I can't just switch. But, I wish that I could because a few people have requested to hear things from his point of view.

Thank you for the idea with the poisons, I'll go contemplate how his survival might work. Unfortunately, seeing as how he and the OFC have just had it out in the scene prior to him running away I can't really have her burst in and stop him. Which, of course mind you she has no idea what he's up to. I could have Peeves or someone see him. Hmmm...

Cheers
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celisnebula
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 10:48 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 312 Location: USA
Why not have one of the ghosts, say the Bloody Baron, catch a glimpse of what he's up to in regards to brewing, and then have one of the professors bust in on him? Perhaps Slughorn, since he and Lily (at leasts that the feeling I got in the HBP) were his little pet brewers.

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darkdesire
Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 4:08 am Reply with quote
Joined: 27 Jun 2007 Posts: 19
At first, I thought the idea of brewing a potion wouldn't work because it would take to long. But now... I'm liking it and I'm really regretting that none of the past history chapters are told from Severus' point of view because it would make for an interesting scene. I like the idea of a ghost watching and I could make that work without breaking the pattern that I have established.

In the origional version I had him burning his hands and appearing in bandages the next day, but use of Torturing Curse seems to need something with a little bit more umph. I already wrote the scene and did a whimpy go of it where I don't really have to explain things, but like I said, it left a bad taste in my mouth. I figured there had to be something better. The potion idea is growing on me, the seppuku might be saved for a darker fic than this. I'm still creeped out by the idea of what could drive someone to commit suicide in such a painful way.
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celisnebula
Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 7:25 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 312 Location: USA
In the Japanese culture it is all about honor... to do anything less than a seppuku would tarnish what little was left of a samurai's honor, and that is unthinkable in a culture that is driven by what constitutes a person's honor.

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jynx67
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:16 am Reply with quote
Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 170
Thanks for explaining, celisnebula.

See, I thought of seppuku because of how honorable and knowledgeable Severus is. But the potion idea is good, too. And it would be appropriate for the Baron to find him, given he's the Slytherin ghost. Peeves could actually stop him and help, since he's a poltergeist. He can affect things.
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darkdesire
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:31 am Reply with quote
Joined: 27 Jun 2007 Posts: 19
Shocked It's all falling into place. Thanks jynx67 and celisnebula for your insightful thoughts and ideas.

I'm picturing something along the line of Peeves stealing his potions book from him so that he doesn't have exactly the right ingrediants and then the Bloody Baron wakes Slughorn. The scene has great potential for manical screaming and throwing of objects. Imagine, Severus is already in a state over the events that have just transpired, how much more furious will he be when Peeves interupts and attempts to thwart his plans? Oooh, it's just delicious! And I even figured out how I can write it so that I'm not breaking the rules I've already established.

Thanks!

P.S. I read the descriptions behind both your names and avators (is that how you spell it?) Very interesting, sad and beautiful.
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darkdesire
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:33 am Reply with quote
Joined: 27 Jun 2007 Posts: 19
And thank you stringcheeze for helping me bat some ideas around as well.
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celisnebula
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:35 am Reply with quote
Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 312 Location: USA
jynx67 wrote:
Thanks for explaining, celisnebula.

See, I thought of seppuku because of how honorable and knowledgeable Severus is. But the potion idea is good, too. And it would be appropriate for the Baron to find him, given he's the Slytherin ghost. Peeves could actually stop him and help, since he's a poltergeist. He can affect things.


I'm only knowledgeable because my son is 1/3 Japanese, and he's all into this "exploring my culture" funk lately (though I can't get him to eat sushi to save my life). So it's been samurai this, ninja that, and a TON of Naurto.

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stringcheeze
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 9:12 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 17 Jan 2008 Posts: 2
darkdesire wrote:
Shocked It's all falling into place.


Most excellent, Smithers. Um...anyway. Wink

Quote:
Oooh, it's just delicious! And I even figured out how I can write it so that I'm not breaking the rules I've already established.


Even better! It's nice when the plot bunnies cooperate and you don't have to go back and rewrite several weeks worth of work just to keep them..er..plotting along. Good luck on it, darkdesire.

Happy to have helped.
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